Responding to the “New Normal”
I am pretty sure I was holding my breath for the first three months of the Covid 19 pandemic outbreak. My wakeful hours were spent trying to gather enough information that would give me a sense of control. My dreams were weaved with anxiety and fear. Weeks went by and I worried about the seniors that I was no longer able to support with my physical presence. I hated how tied my hands were and how helpless I felt as a dementia practitioner. In May, I had an A- HA moment that gave me a sense of hope during this time of Covid! I was thinking about Dementia expert, Teepa Snow and the Positive Approaches to Care motto “Until there is a Cure there is Care” and suddenly I felt very capable of handling a pandemic as a care partner. With no cure for Covid we all have no other choice but to care with all our might.
New Normal
As care partners, both professional and families members, we are all responding with engaged minds and sharpened skills. And we must acknowledge that each moment spent with seniors must be thoughtful and deliberate. My goal within my practice has always been to help create moments of joy for people living with dementia and their loved ones, but it has evolved into teaching how to do it in a virtual world. I am happy to report that it is possible.
About a month ago, I received a call from a daughter who was intuitively aware of her mother’s progression of dementia since the Covid 19 shutdown. “I have become my mother’s life line, we talk about five times a day but I find myself running out of ways to engage her”. I pondered the impact of what I had just heard: a 96 year old woman living in a memory care community struggling with loneliness. Normally I would have advised the daughter to connect with the activities director to help engage her mom. But we are living in a new “normal”that dictates limited social interaction as a key to preventing the spread of Covid 19. I acknowledged the daughter’s distress and validated how real her mother’s struggles were. I affirmed her gut feeling. She knew that her actions and her deliberate engagement was the only way she could help counter the effects isolation was having on her mom.
Her mother’s community allows a few hours virtual and window visits a week. This seems to be the norm for most people living in senior communities. “ I notice her repeating the same questions and we always end up having hopeless visits” she told me. I told her her goal for each conversation was to get the “good” chemicals running through her mom’s brain to counter the powerful amygdala hormone of stress. This is my main goal for all my clients during the time of covid.
New Response-Ability
Being fully engaged and prepared to facilitate the direction of your visit will ensure a positive interactions. Maintaining a positive and curious disposition changes the tone of a conversation that could easily head south.
Look deeper into your past conversations. Try to recall some of your loved ones favorite topics
Validate her concerns. It is as simple as repeating what she said. Validating doesn’t mean you have the answers but it does show that you care and hear her concerns.
Ask beautiful and thoughtful questions. Ask her to explore her soul and respond to the spirit that is still thriving in her person. An example might be asking how she has always made people feel welcomed in a community.
Focus on the emotions evoked and reminisce. If your loved one is limited in their expression , show them some photos or images from your life together. “Gee, mom, everyone in this picture is smiling… I wonder why”. Showing the picture through the screen also makes the interaction more active.
Sing and play their favorite songs. Listening to music with a loved one no matter their brain state will get the endorphins flowing in the brain. Be curious about who you are listening to and how your loved one is responding. You may find yourself asking questions about what was going on in your loved ones life during the time era of the song.
During this time of covid we are all going to have work really hard to startle seniors brains into producing endorphins. With deliberate actions and thoughtful interactions we will be able create moments of joy that will have lasting effects. Because “until there is a cure there is care”.